Bittersweet Beginnings

Dear family and friends,

I have made it! I am sitting safe and happy on my 70s-patchwork -flower covered bed (it is very firm too, actually). Its 11pm and my body (though tired from the 22 hours spent traveling from my house to this new one) thinks it’s the middle of the afternoon. I just wanted to write down my thoughts at this point for you, even though I can’t update you with them yet. So, I am feeling pretty happy and peaceful at the moment, praise Jesus. This is from a mix of things going wonderfully so far, and the Spirit giving me a supernatural sense of peace about tomorrow and the next two months. I really miss each of you already. The biggest fear I have fight right now is that I will be lonely and miss you fiercely for the next 8 weeks. The other fear is that I wont do a good job. I say these are silly fears to worry about though. I am reassured in knowing that, I am not alone, my Lover is here with me, so I will be safe in His arms and surrounded by His body here. So, praise the Lord! I also know that His Spirit is in me and it is that Spirit that will win souls for Christ and empower my heart, soul, mind, and strength to love and serve God and the Albanians here. Typing that out and being able to see it in black and white helps to cement the truth in my heart. I know I will have to continually remind myself of these truths to fight of my fears. I have been listening to a really great CD I just got by Misty Edwards called Always on His Mind (it’s all about the love shared between us and our King). This song, Always on His Mind was just playing and I want to share the lyrics from it with you. ..

I’ll take my cold, cold heart

I’ll take my unrenewed mind

I’ll take your Word in my hand

And then I’ll give you time to come and melt me

I can’t even love you unless you call my name

I can’t even Worship unless you anoint my heart God

I can’t even want you unless you want me first

Come fan the flame

Do what only you can do

Just let my heart be alive

Let me be livin’ deep, deep on the inside

This was very relieving to hear and is now my hearts cry. I don’t have to warm up my heart and renew my mind and I can’t love Him or worship Him or want Him (or to live a life of sacrifice to bring His Kingdom) without Him coming and wanting me and calling me and anointing my heart.

Oh, Jesus, come and minister to my heart, anoint it and set it ablaze with love for you and passion for your Kingdom! I need you so desperately. I am small and weak, and so, so selfish! I will fail, I will fall, I will perish without you, without your love. I want to rest in it and dance in it and sing it to this World. Come, do what only you can do, fan the flame, King Jesus.