How far will you let me go?

This is a journal entry from this weekend that I wanted to share with you. Each day seems to bring out new questions and things to think about.
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This week I have been a part of a conference for all the Campus Crusade staff in Albania. The past two days we had a great seminar called The Bible on Money from Crown Financial Ministries. I now have the beginning of a foundation of biblical principles concerning money from spending, saving and giving, to honesty and integrity. Some discussions that were brought up about bribery have been stewing in my mind and prodding the edges of my heart. I have been wondering things like... What are the women supposed to do who are forced by the government to give birth at a hospital, but will not be attended by a doctor or helped by a nurse until they pay a bribe to their doctors who are already paid, although not enough, within the socialist health care system in Albania? What are we as believers supposed to do with corrupt law enforcement officers, who may try to force us to pay them off by threatening our lives or families? What should Christians trying to travel across parts of the Middle East, Africa, or any hostile and corrupted nation plan on doing when they are stopped by road blocks and expected to pay a bribe in order to continue traveling? We are caught in a corrupted system that has the potential for creating very dangerous situations if we go against demands for bribes. As I learned though, the Bible has many verses that command us not to accept bribes, “Now let the fear of the Lord be upon you. Judge carefully, for with the Lord our God there is no injustice or partiality or bribery” (2 Chronicles 19:7). If God is not involved with bribery and commands us not to accept bribes, I think he also does not want us to offer them or to pay off those who demand them. Paying bribes only reinforces the corruption that is taking place and further prevents justice from being restored.

“Do not accept a bribe for a bribe blinds those who see and twists the words of the righteous.”
Exodus 23:8

All day these convictions had been swirling around inside me. I was troubled by the thought of how hard it would be to stand up against bribery when your life and the life of your children and family were at risk. I kept imagining people facing theses challenges. Could I really tell someone to risk their life for this? Could I really risk my life for these convictions? It made me want to return to North America where I would be safe from corruption. Even though I know that the corruption is already there and if our leaders do not stand up against it, it will flow down into all of society.

Tonight though, I think that I have realized something deep and powerful: my life really is in God’s hands. He knows the exact number of my days and will sustain my fragile life until each one has come to completion. Just as I was listening and singing the last verses of the song Always on His Mind I realized...

He will not let me go!
He will not let me be abandoned!

Then it hit me. It does not matter what the situation is. My God is so, so, so, much bigger than any challenge, danger, demon, evil force or fear that could ever come against me. He is my lover and He will not let me perish. Even when the time comes for us to be united and I am taken from this life. It will be ok. It will be in His perfect timing. It will only be for good. That means that I really have nothing to fear and that I can really waste my life just searching for Him. Imagine, a life spent always looking for my lover who is always with me and getting to know Him more and more until we, His church, are brought into His glory as His perfect bride. I want to live that way. I want to really live. I want to walk free from all worry and fear!

Just let my heart be alive. Let me be livin’ deep, deep on the inside.

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Always on His Mind
Lord I will seek you
On my bed think upon you
In the day I’ll dream of you
You’re always on my mind
With my whole heart I love you
With my mind and my strength too
Waste my life searching for you
You’re always on my mind
Though I am poor and needy
The Lord thinks upon me
Though His name is Holy
I am always on His mind
I am always on His mind
Though I am weak and lowly
The Lord dreams about me
Though He is high and lofty
I am always on His mind
I am always on His mind
For I’m in love with God
And God’s in love with me
And I’m in love with God
And God’s in love with me
This is who I am
Ya, ya, ya
Sing hey ya
hey ya na na na
How far will you let me go?
How abandoned will you let me be?
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Thank you, Lord, for bringing truth and revelation flooding into my heart through this song. I thank you for inspiring Misty Edwards to create the CD Always on His Mind and for providing it for us.

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I will run the race set before me
I will seek your face as the prize of my life
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